


Miracles Don't Happen. Not To Me.

by playingcas



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-07
Updated: 2014-03-07
Packaged: 2018-01-14 21:54:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1280170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/playingcas/pseuds/playingcas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is in a hospital bed, dying from cancer. Castiel walks into the wrong room, meant to be visiting a friend, but ends up sitting with Dean before going to see his friend. Castiel then visits once or twice every other week, which turns to once every week, to every other day, to every day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Miracles Don't Happen. Not To Me.

**Author's Note:**

> It's an AU where all the Supernatural creatures from the true show are human, and don't believe in demons etc (ya know, supernatural beings and such), but they actually are real, they just don't know it...

Castiel trudged through the stark white hospital corridors, looking for the room that his friend Meg was in. He arrived at Room 119 and opened the heavy, dark wooden door. He stopped short just inside the door. On a hospital bed laid a boy, no, man. That's not Meg, he briefly thought to himself. The man had no hair, freckles spattered across his face like someone had pressed the tip of a paintbrush to his face multiple times, soft, pink full lips and the greenest eyes he'd ever seen. And he was looking straight at him.

"I am so sorry, I seem to have entered the wrong room," Castiel apologised.

"Hey, no problem, man," said the man. "Who you visiting?"

"My friend. She's in a room down the hall," Castiel explained. "She's got Leukemia. The Doctors believe she doesn't have much longer than a year. She just recently had a big problem with it or something and she's here so they can keep an eye on her."

"Oh man, that really sucks, I'm sorry," said the man, truly looking sorry for Castiel. 

"Don't be sorry. It's not like you gave her the cancer," Castiel said, seriously.

"Erm, right," the man mumbled. "I, er, I'm Dean."

"Castiel."

"Nice to meet ya, Cas," Dean said, giving Castiel a toothy smile. His teeth were so white.

"A pleasure to meet you too, Dean," Castiel said. "Can I ask what it is that you have? Or is it too personal?"

"Nah, it's fine. I have cancer. Brain tumour. Inoperable," Dean said, grimacing. "Doc reckons I've got maybe less than 6 months."

"That's terrible," Castiel said. He honest to God felt sorry for this Dean character, even though he'd only just met him.

"Ya know, you can come sit down. I won't be gettin' any visitors until this afternoon and I don't bite," Dean said with a grin, gesturing to the chair next to his bed.

"Are you sure?" Castiel asked. He had quickly forgotten about Meg.

"Yeah why not?" 

Castiel closed the door and sat down in the seat next to Dean's bed tentatively.

"So what do you do, Cas?" Dean asked, eyes drifting briefly to the TV. A TV show was playing. It was about two guys who went about hunting evil creatures like vampires and demons. Supernatural, Cas briefly noted.

"I work at a department store in town. Nothing of interest," Castiel answered, studying Dean's face as he watched the TV screen. Castiel couldn't help but find him quite attractive. Which was a huge leap for Castiel. Especially since his recent break-up with Anna. She'd smashed his heart to pieces when she chose Crowley over him. He didn't think he'd be able to so much as look at another attractive person whilst the memory was still so fresh in his mind.

"Oh yeah? Which store?" Dean turned his attention to Castiel, who blinked at him, suddenly forgetting everything as he looked into those beautiful emerald green eyes.

"Erm, I- I can't remember," he whispered. 

Dean let out a chuckle, grinning at Castiel. "I know I'm scary lookin' but really? That bad huh?" The way he said it intended that it was a joke, he thought. Castiel attempted to smile.

"That was a joke?" he asked, unsure.

"Yeah, Cas, that was a joke," Dean smiled.

"Ah." Castiel stared at his hands. "Why do you keep calling me Cas?"

"It's a nickname," Dean said, looking a little flustered. "Sorry, did you not like it? I can call you Castiel if you would pref-"

"No, Cas is perfectly acceptable. No-one has ever called me Cas before," Castiel interrupted, smiling in fondness at his new nickname. "I've never really had many friends."

"Well that's hard to believe, considering how nice and att-"

"Hey Dean, I- whoa, hey, erm, hi there?" Castiel turned in the direction of the voice and looked up at a rather tall young man. He was probably at about 6ft 4, had a mop of unruly brown hair, almond shaped hazel eyes, was quite well built and was carrying a brown paper bag with grease stains on it, obviously from the food it contained within.

"Hello, I am Castiel," said Castiel. "I'm going to leave now."

"Whoa Cas, you don't have to leave cause this gigantor just got here," Dean said, almost reaching out for Castiel but thinking better of it. "He's just my brother. Sam, this is Castiel. Castiel, that's my annoying little brother Sam."

"Hey, man, nice to meet you. Good to know that Dean's still capable of makin friends in his bitchy state," Sam said, shooting a smirk in Dean's direction. Castiel looked at Dean who was glaring at his brother.

"It is nice to meet you too, Sam. However I really should go. I need to go see my friend Meg. Goodbye Dean," Castiel said. Dean looked longingly at the door and turned back to Castiel.

"Right, that's fair enough, I did drag you away from her after all. Now Sammy's here I have some company, I guess. But visit again soon, yeah? You're cool," Dean grinned.  
Castiel stared at Dean and gave him a short smile. "It was nice meeting you both."

As Castiel left the room, he heard Sam shout in alarm. "Dude, don't be such a jerk! I brought you a burger from that place you love-"  
Whilst Castiel was sat talking to Meg in Room 129, his mind kept returning to Dean and wished that Dean hadn't had such a short life. He was definitely in his mid-late twenties. Such a short life.

"Hey, Clarence, what's got your mind so preoccupied?" Meg asked, looking irritated that he wasn't paying her any attention.

"Nothing. Sorry Meg. Just thinking about Dean," Castiel said, honestly. Meg was his only true friend.

"Ah, that Dean boy. The one who seems to have stolen you from me," she said, nodding. "Is my Clarence getting a crush on this Dean boy?"

"Of course not, Meg. We're not even friends." 

"You don't need to be friends to have a crush, Clarence," Meg laughed. "But just go home, Cas. Come see me some other time when you're not preoccupied with Dean."  
Castiel stared at Meg as he got up. "Meg, you're my best friend. But please don't call me Cas."

Meg smirked at Castiel as if what he said just proved her point and watched Castiel leave.

**********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

It was another two weeks before Castiel visited Dean again. He couldn't help but think maybe Meg was right. Which was why he tried to avoid going to see Dean. But two weeks seemed long enough to prolong his visit. 

When he got to the room, he knocked on the door

"Come in!"

He opened the door and saw Dean sat on the bed, looking at the door expectantly. He let out a smile and sigh of.... relief?

"Cas! I thought I'd never see you again," Dean said, grinning.

"I didn't want to seem so.. intrusive," Castiel said. "It's not like we know each other."

"Sure, Cas. But you should visit more often. Your weird personality is something that brightened my day two weeks ago."

"Thats very kind of you, Dean." Castiel chose to be flattered by Dean's comment. He looked at the TV. That show Supernatural was on again. "Are you a fan of this show, Dean?"

"It's not bad," Dean shrugged. "Its just a way to pass the time, really."

Castiel looked at his hands. Less than 6 months to live. What kind of life is that? Spending all that time just watching meaningless TV shows and spending a small amount of time with friends and family.

"I guess that makes sense. Who comes to visit you?" Castiel asked.

Dean looked at Castiel, raising his eyebrows. "That was a very obvious topic change? I guess it's just you and my brother mainly. Sometimes my friend Jo stops by and rants about her mother and the Roadhouse. She also brings Ash along sometimes. Not many people, really."

"What about your parents?" Castiel asked, tilting his head in confusion.

"My er, my mom died when I was four. House fire," Dean said, looking uncomfortable. "My dad was in a car crash. Drunk driving. He was, not the other guy. He never really did get over moms death."

Castiel looked at Dean sadly. Both of his parents were gone and Sam was all he had. Then Sam will lose Dean one day and he'll be all alone. It was quite heart-breaking.

"That's very unfortunate, Dean. Your life shouldn't be so sad, you're not even that old," Castiel said, his sadness seeping into his words.

"Yeah well, some of us get dealt a bad hand," Dean said, shrugging it off. He was trying to avoid having any heart-to-hearts. "What about your family? Siblings? Parents?"

"I have one sibling; Gabriel. I never knew my mother, she died when I was born. Gabriel acts like she never even existed. My father has gone missing, recently. He's disappeared and no-one has seen him since the day he left. But when he was around, he always said I had my mothers eyes," Castiel said, staring at the pattern on Dean's bed sheets.

"Well, I guess we're both pretty similar then, huh?" Dean smiled. Castiel looked up at Dean and nodded. "Cool. Now let's just enjoy this stupid show."

*********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

"Clarence, stop being a baby and admit it," Meg said, rolling her eyes. "You like him!"

"No Meg, my feelings towards Dean are purely platonic," Castiel said, getting frustrated. It had been a month since he'd started visiting Dean regularly and it had gotten to the point where it was for over an hour every day, unless he couldn't make it because of work. Meg was adamant that Castiel had feelings for Dean.

"If it weren't for that dreamy gaze of yours that you get when you even mention Dean, I wouldn't have said anything," she said, smirking. "You've got it bad for the boy. You're just scared he doesn't return your feelings."

"Why should I worry about whether he returns these feelings, Meg?" Castiel fumed. He looked at her angrily, but Meg just looked amused; like she was looking at a kitten trying to be a tiger. "He's got a brain tumour which is inoperable. He can't recover from this and there would be no potential relationship. So even if I did have these feelings that you keep insisting are real, I wouldn't have the time to actually do anything about them. He has just over 5 months."

"Then make these 5 months the best possible 5 months, tiger," she smiled. Castiel just stares at her as if she had grown a second head.

"You are so strange, Meg. You are never concerned that I would hurt you?"

"Castiel." It was the first time in a long time that Meg had called Castiel by his actual first name. "You wouldn't hurt me. Like you said; we're best friends. I'm not trying to upset you with what I've said. I'm trying to get you to actually do something before it's too late."

Castiel stared at Meg. Her face showed nothing except that she was being honest. He sighed and looked at his feet.

"I'm sorry for being unpleasant to you, Meg. I've got to go," he said.

"See ya later, tiger," Meg said, with a wave. Castiel waved back and left her room. He walked down the hall and stopped outside of Dean's room. Dean was sat eating a burger that Sam had probably brought by and his eyes were glued to the TV; no doubt that show Supernatural.

"Hi, Dean," he said, walking into Dean's room. He'd gone to see Meg first that day since by the time he usually went to see her after seeing Dean, he only got a short amount of time to spend with her.

"Cas!" Dean grinned, acting like it was Christmas and Castiel was the best present he'd gotten. "Good to see ya, buddy! Come sit down!"

Castiel sat down, not taking his eyes off Dean. He couldn't get Meg's words out of his head. Maybe he did have feelings for Dean. But surely it would be obvious? Dean looked at Cas in confusion. His eyes staring straight into Castiel's eyes. "You alright, Cas?"

"Yes, I'm perfectly fine," Castiel responded. "I'm just thinking."

"You do that a lot. To be honest, I didn't think you were actually going to turn up today," Dean admitted. "It's later than usual."

"I stopped by Meg's room first," Castiel explained, not really paying attention to the conversation. He knew his heart rate was beating faster than usual. But surely it wasn't the eye contact? Shouldn't there be other signs? Surely he should be feeling nervous, have sweaty palms, something to indicate he was into this man?

"Cas!" Dean yelled.

"I'm sorry Dean," Castiel sighed. 

Dean studied Castiel. "Don't sweat it. It's fine. Maybe you should go home and rest or something?"

"I don't want to leave, I just got here."

"Then tell me what's eatin' you up inside," he said, muting the TV and focusing his attention on Cas.

"Erm, well, Meg seems to irrationally believe that there is someone who I have romantic feelings for," Castiel said, studying his hands. "She thinks I should tell them but I don't even believe that I feel that way." He looked up at Dean, who gave Castiel a tight smile. He looked somewhat disappointed.

"Well who is the lucky girl, Cas?" he asked.

"It's actually a man," Cas said, starting to feel nervous. His mouth went dry and his palms started to sweat. He intertwined his fingers and held them together tightly. So tight the knuckles went white and his hands hurt.

"Fair enough," Dean said. "Who is it? Someone from work? Did you see him at work? Tell me about him, Cas!" He was trying to be enthusiastic and happy for Cas, but he was finding it difficult.

"It's really not important Dean, nothing's going to happen between us anyway," Castiel said, trying to shove aside his nervousness. He hadn't been this nervous around anyone since he wanted to tell Anna he liked her and asked her out on a date. "Please let it go, Dean." 

"Fine," he said, clenching his jaw. Everything went deadly quiet. 

"It was a mistake... Mentioning it. I should go," Castiel said. He got up and Dean's eyes widened and he tried to get out of the bed, reaching for him.

"No, Cas, don't leave, I'm sorry-" he gasped, clutching at Castiel's trenchcoat as he slipped of the bed to stand on the floor.

Castiel gripped Dean's arms and lifted him slightly so he was stood better. "Dean you should lie down in bed, you're not well." Castiel was aware of how close they were and he wondered if Meg really was right. He never was good at recognising such complex feelings.

"Screw it all, Cas. You can't leave," he said. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push you about who he is, I just-" Dean clamped his mouth shut.

"What, Dean?" Castiel asked. He wanted to hear Dean say he was into him. He thought this and realised that he actually did have feelings for Dean. It was as if a lightbulb had flashed over his head. 

Dean stared at Castiel. "Cas..." he moved one of his hands from the front of Castiel's trenchcoat to press against the back of his head and pushed so their lips met. Castiel closed his eyes and pressed into the kiss, wrapped his arms around Dean's waist. The kiss was brief and Dean looked at Cas, sadly.

"I didn't want to say anything, but I don't want to die without you not knowing," he murmured dejectedly. "I couldn't keep it to myself any more, Cas."

"I understand, Dean," Castiel said, feeling tremendously sad. "I didn't want to say that it was you... I guess I do like you, Dean. As more than a friend. But I don't know what I'll do when you're gone." The two men hugged each other tightly, pressing their faces into the others shoulder.

"I don't want to die, Cas," Dean said, his voice cracking. "I can't leave Sammy. I don't want to leave Sammy. And now to leave you behind, too... It's not fair." Dean sobbed on Castiel's shoulder. Castiel stood there hugging Dean, not sure of what to do. 

"I'm sorry Dean," Castiel murmured. "I should have been paying attention the first day we met. If I had never gotten the room numbers mixed up, I would never have walked into your life. We wouldn't have met, we wouldn't feel this way... It wouldn't be so hard to let each other go."

"No Cas. Don't. I'm not exactly great, at the whole... 'let's share our feelings' crap, but I do know this; I'm glad you walked into my life. All I did every day, was watch TV, and wait for Sammy to come visit. Barely anyone else would come see me because I used to be so healthy and different. Better. Now I'm just... Lifeless. They didn't like it. Didn't know how to act around me. How to treat me. But you... You brought back a spark of happiness to my life, dude. You treat me like I'm normal." Dean stared at Cas, his cheeks glistening where the tears fell. "You're the best. Ever. Besides Sammy, of course."

Castiel helped Dean back into his bed and stared at him. He smiled. "Dean... Just rest. I'll stop by tomorrow."

"Cas-"

"Dean. Rest. I need to go home." Dean watched Cas leave his room without uttering another word.

************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

It had been 4 months since Castiel had first met Dean. Two months since they'd kissed, and they were closer than ever. But time was still moving way too fast and Dean was getting even sicker as time went on. Castiel stood at the large rectangular window in his room and stared up at the starry night sky. He was desperate. He'd do anything. But he couldn't bring himself to pray. Not yet.

A phone started ringing in his room. He went through to his bedroom and picked up his phone, answering the call.

"Hello?"

"Hello, is this Castiel?"

"Yes, I am Castiel. Who is calling?"

"Hi Castiel, this is the hospital? Your friend-"

"I'm on my way." Castiel hung up and ran out of the house, vaguely aware that the time on his alarm clock read 02:28am. 

He barely remembered to lock the door before rushing down the stairs, his trenchcoat billowing out behind him. He'd only just remembered his coat, too. He stumbled over to his silver car, fiddled with the key in the lock and successfully managed to unlock the door of his car. He slid into the drivers seat, started it and pulled out onto the road. He sped to the hospital, dreading the worst. 

At the hospital, he pulled his car up into a parking space, opened the door and slammed it shut, leaving his car keys in the ignition. He didn't care if someone stole his car. His car wasn't even important. Not then.

He rushed into the reception. "I'm Castiel, someone called me?"

"Castiel," said a receptionist, looking concerned. "Dean Winchester is under critical condition. We don't expect him to... well. Ya know. As one of his two contacts, we figured you would want to be here when he passes away."

"Yes, thank you. I need to.. Go see him." Castiel turned away from the receptionist and ran up to Dean's room. He burst into the room to see Sam sat by Dean's bed. He looked up at Cas, his expression saying it all.

"Cas, I don't know what I'll do without him. He's my big brother," he said, crying. Castiel hugged Sam, used to the experience from hugging Meg and Dean.

"I'm so sorry Sam," Castiel whispered. He didn't trust his voice. Knew that if he spoke any louder above a whisper, it would break. He wanted to cry. "Why don't you go get some coffee? I'll sit with Dean. You look like you need it." Sam sniffed and got up without protest, giving Castiel a brief smile in thanks. 

Castiel sat down on a different seat to the one Sam was sat on and stared at Dean. He'd known Dean for four months. The four months felt like a long time, but in reality, it would just be a blip in their long life span. Castiel's memories of Dean were various; Dean laughing his head off at something Castiel had said, Dean getting angry at the Supernatural TV show, Dean crying over Sam getting engaged to his long-term girlfriend, Jessica. There were plenty more, but Castiel would always remember one in particular; the first time they kissed. It would always replay in his mind, over and over again.

He gripped Dean's hand tightly and rested his face on Dean's bed.

"Please," he whispered, feeling the tears well up. He squeezed his eyes shut. "Please, he can't die. Not now. I can't live without him. I just can't. Someone, anyone that's listening, please help him... Don't make me live without him..." Castiel broke off into chest-wracking sobs. His skinny frame shook as he sobbed silently into Dean's bed. He didn't notice the Doctor stood in the door, his eyes flashing blue.

********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

The next morning, Castiel awoke to Dean moaning. He looked up, his eyes red and puffy from crying for hours. His back was still from the position he'd fallen asleep in; leaning on Dean's bed, his hand holding Dean's in a death grip.

"Cas, please loosen your grip, you're killing me here," Dean complained.

It took a moment for Castiel to register what was going on. He let Dean's hand go entirely and held Dean's face, staring at him. Dean looked better. Much better. He didn't understand. How?

"How are you better? Last night was the night you were going to..." Castiel couldn't finish the conversation without getting choked up.

"Whoa, Cas, calm down," Dean said soothingly. "I don't know how it happened either. I feel so much better, Cas."

Castiel couldn't bring himself to hope that Dean had miraculously gotten better. It wasn't possible. Miracles just didn't happen. Not to him, anyway.  
The Doctor came into Dean's room and studied Dean. "We need to get you in for X-Rays and such. You two will have to go wait in the waiting room," he said to Sam and Castiel.  
The two men reluctantly left Dean with the Doctor and nurses and sat in the waiting room. Minutes felt like hours and the hours felt like forever, but finally (2 hours later), they were allowed to go and see Dean again.

"I don't know how it happened, but his tumour is just... gone. Completely disappeared," said the Doctor in surprise. "I don't understand how, but it has." He looked at Dean, smiling. "Congratulations, young man. You're free to leave once all the forms and such have been signed. However, there is the matter of the cost of your time here in hospital..."  
"I'll pay for it, Doctor," said Castiel without hesitation. Everyone looked at Castiel in surprise. "I want to. I know neither of you can afford it. I have enough money to pay for it."   
Once the papers were sorted out and the monetary charges cleared, they took Dean home. Dean was definitely looking better. He didn't look as pale any more; his skin was more flushed and he looked happier, too.

When Sam finally left Dean and Castiel alone, Cas hugged Dean. "I'm glad you're better, Dean," he said.

"Me too, Cas," Dean said back, and pressed his lips to Castiel's. Castiel kissed Dean back fervently, holding Dean close to him. Dean moved his mouth from Castiel's and kissed along his jaw, down his neck. "I want to take things between us at a steady pace, Cas. I don't want us to rush. I'm not going anywhere now...."

"Yes, so maybe just sto-op-" Castiel gasped. Dean looked at Castiel and grinned. Castiel smiled back and they both fell onto the bed.

"I'm so tired," Castiel murmured. He rested his head on Dean's chest, his eyelids fluttering closed.

"Goodnight Cas," Dean whispered, pressing his lips to Castiel's head. It was the first time in the last 4 months that Castiel had felt truly happy.

**********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

"So I finally get to meet the wonderful Dean," Meg smirked. "I've heard so much about you."

"Oh really?" Dean asked, smirking at Castiel. 

It was a Tuesday afternoon and Castiel had taken Dean to visit Meg. It had been a week since Dean had miraculously healed and Meg had gotten worse. 

"Well, I'm glad you're making him happy," Meg said to Dean, giving him an uncharacteristic warm smile. It wasn't often she was nice to the people Castiel started dating.

"Erm, thanks, I guess," Dean said, averting his eyes elsewhere, a blush rising to his cheeks.

"Just make sure you don't hurt my Clarence, Dean. Cause if you do, I might have to come back and haunt your ass," Meg smirked. Castiel shot Meg a glare.

"Meg," he warned.

"Calm down tiger, just letting Dean know the implications of hurting my best friend," she said to Castiel, innocently.

"Don't worry. I won't hurt him," Dean said determinedly. He took hold of Castiel's hand and gave it a squeeze. Castiel smiled at Dean and he smiled back.

"Good. Now get out of here, I wanna die in peace," Meg said, throwing a spare cushion at them. Castiel looked sadly at Meg. "Go!"

"Okay, chill, we're going," Dean said. Still holding Castiel's hand, Dean walked out of Meg's hospital room, pulling Cas with him. "She's a bit harsh, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess," Castiel said. "She doesn't mean to be horrible, I think. She has good intentions."

Dean snorted. "Yeah okay. Come on let's go eat, I'm starving."

"Dean, it's nearly nine," Castiel frowned.

"So?" Dean laughed. "Who cares? I'm miraculously healthy again and I can do whatever I want. I want to go eat."

They walked out of the hospital, hand-in-hand, smiling at each other. They hadn't spent much time together recently since Castiel was working and Sam was trying to stop Dean from working too hard. Ya know, since he'd had cancer not too long ago.

"Hey, it alright if we stop by that garage near my house?" Dean asked, thoughtfully. 

"Of course," Castiel replied. He couldn't bring himself to deny Dean anything. Not when Dean had nearly been denied a future. "Why?"

"I want to get a job. Work as a mechanic. Cars are my passion," Dean smiled. Castiel remembered Dean mentioning cars as they climbed into the Impala. "Damn, I missed my baby."

"You say that every time we sit in the car," Castiel pointed out.

"I know," Dean said. "Doesn't mean I mean it any less."

They went and got burgers from Dean's favourite burger place and then they stopped by Singers Garage. Castiel stayed in the car whilst Dean went inside. He absentmindedly picked at his fingernails whilst watching the door, waiting for Dean.

A figure appeared at the window next to Castiel, making him jump. He looked up and realized it was the Doctor who had been taking care of Dean when he was in hospital. Castiel rolled the window of the Imapala down.

"Hello Doctor," Castiel said. "Can I help you?"

"I just wanted to check how Dean was getting on," he smiled. "It's been a week since his miraculous recovery. It's remarkable!"

"Yes, it truly is." Castiel noticed Dean coming out of the garage, beaming and giving Cas a thumbs up. "I believe he has just acquired a job."

"That's fantastic, Castiel," said the Doctor. "Angels must be watching over that boy."

Castiel glanced at the Doctor before looking back at Dean. "Yeah. I'm glad. He's only 27. He deserves a happy, long, prosperous life." He looked back out the window but the Doctor was no longer there. Like he'd vanished. Castiel frowned. Where did he go?

"Hey, why so confused?" Dean asked, sitting behind the wheel. "And who were you talking to?"

Castiel's frown deepened. "I was talking to the Doctor. Didn't you see him?"

"No," Dean said, shooting Castiel a weird look. "Whatever, man. I got the job! I start next Monday. What do you want to do?"

"Whatever you want to do Dean."

**********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

It was two weeks later and Castiel stood at Meg's grave, solemn as all of Meg's other friends and family stood around the grave. Meg had died at 11:20pm that night after meeting Dean for the first time. Castiel remembered getting the news and that he hadn't felt anything. He was numb. He knew she was going to die. It's what people do. People die. But it felt like it was all a joke. Like he expected Meg to push her coffin and laugh at Castiel, saying "you can't get rid of me that easy, tiger." But no. The coffin lid stayed shut and no-one shouted "GOT YA!"

The sadness Castiel felt was nothing compared to what he probably would have felt if Dean had died. Meg was his best friend, but Dean was more than that. Dean was the one who lit up his life. Dean was the one who showed him so many new things that he'd never even thought about before. It was like every experience with Dean was new, even experiences he had already been through. It was like he repeated those all over again as if they had never really happened.

Dean held Castiel's hand as the minister said a few words on the behalf of her family and friends. Castiel couldn't focus on what the man said. All he was aware of was Dean's presence beside him and how calm he was feeling. Why was he calm? He should be upset like everyone else. But he wasn't. It made no sense.

"It's shock," he remembered Dean saying not too long ago. But was it normal for him to be in shock for this long? Castiel didn't think so, but then again Castiel had never been normal.

"Cas," Dean said quietly, gently shaking Castiel from his thoughts. "Cas it's time to go to the wake."

Castiel looked slightly up at Dean - he was only a little bit smaller than Dean, not much - and blinked at him. "I don't want to go to the wake, Dean. I don't want to listen to people talking about how great Meg was, or how funny and sarcastic she was. I just want to go home."

Dean nodded. "Okay. That's fine, Cas. We can go home." It was like Castiel was a permanent resident at the Winchester house-hold, even though he had his own apartment to return to. But Castiel didn't want to live alone in an apartment. Now he'd had so much company, he didn't want to go back.

At Dean's house, they sat on the sofa, the TV on, although neither of the men were paying attention to it.

"Cas, is everything okay? You've been quiet all day, which I would say is normal, but you're even quieter than usual," Dean murmured softly, pulling Castiel towads him. "Tell me whats wrong."

"I..." Castiel tried to find a way to start but didn't know how. He knew Dean wasn't much for what he liked to call 'chick-flick moments' and he didn't want to ruin that for him.

"Cas no, don't even think about my 'no chick-flick moments' thing now," Dean frowned. "Your best friend just died. You're allowed to have chick-flick moments."

Castiel looked at Dean's green eyes. He was being so honest and kind to Castiel that his eyes watered. "My best friend is dead and I feel like I should be more sad about the fact, but I'm not. Does that mean there's something wrong with me, Dean?"

Dean looked surprised at what Castiel had said. "No, Cas, no! There's nothing wrong with you. You're perfect. It's probably just your own way of coping, it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you." Dean wiped at a stray tear which fell down Castiel's cheek. "Cas you're amazing, man. You know what I thought the first day I met you?" Castiel shook his head no. "I thought that you were a weirdo." Castiel frowned.

"Is that supposed to make me feel better? Cause it isn't, Dean."

"Let me finish! I thought you were a weirdo. I mean, who hears Room 129 as Room 119, ya know? But you looked like a lost puppy and you were the first real person I'd spoken to all day. Nurses and Doctor don't count," he added, noticing Castiel's expression. "When Sam had arrived and you left, I couldn't help being kinda disappointed, ya know? I thought we'd have had longer to chat and become friends. But there ya go, my idiot brother for you. He always did have bad timing." Dean smiled fondly at the mention of his younger brother. "Anyway, I was actually glad you came to see me those 2 weeks later. It was nice, having someone other than my brother and the odd other person come see me. Having regular visits from you were even better."

"Dean, what-"

Dean ignored Castiel and kept talking. "When I realized I'd been developing.. feelings for you, I was freaking out. I didn't think you felt the same way. Then you started talking about how you liked someone, and I didn't think it was me. I don't deserve someone as good as you, Cas. But here we are, you're still perfect, you're still here with me in this relationship and as my best friend, and you are definitely not a terrible person."

Castiel smiled at Dean, this time happy tears welled up in his eyes. "Thank you, Dean. But you've got it wrong. You're too good for me. Good things don't happen to me. Miracles don't happen to me. Ever. But here you are, alive, happy, breathing, your cancer just gone... And for once in my life, I'm happy."

"That's great," Dean said. He leaned forward, giving Castiel a hard kiss. "I'm so glad you're mine."

"Me too, Dean," Castiel breathed. "Me too."

******************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Castiel was laid on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. He didn't know what to do. His apartment had been sold, he had moved in with Sam and Dean (although he suspected it wouldn't be long before it was just him and Dean; Sam was expecting that him and Jess would be moving into an apartment of their own some time soon, since they were engaged and all) and he didn't know what to do. For the first time in his life, he was bored. 

"Dammit Cas," Dean cursed. "Why don't you get a hobby?!" Dean was running late for work. Bobby Singer may have been a family friend, but he didn't take kindly to Dean being late. "Paint, read, go cycling, something." He finally found his key, leant over to Castiel and gave him a quick kiss before rushing to the door. "See ya later!"  
The front door slammed shut and the click suggested that Dean had locked the door. Well it looked like Castiel wasn't going anywhere unles Sam actually came back. He didn't have his own key, even though he'd been living with the Winchesters for a month, now.

"A hobby," he sighed. He thought about the three hobbies Dean suggested. Cycling was immediately out of the question. He couldn't leave the house without a key and he didn't even own a bicycle. He would read but he'd exhausted most of the books that the house (Sam) had to offer. Painting it was! Although he had no real artistic talent.  
He got some paints and a canvas which he had found in Sam's room, funnily enough, and wondered what to paint. He saw a picture of Dean on the mantel piece; Dean stood in front of a lake, arms stretched wide, palms facing the sky. His face was looking up towards the sky too, and his legs were parted. He wore a faded Metallica t-shirt and a pair of blue jeans. He also wore his brown boots on his feet. He must have been, what, 20?? Back when he had a full head of hair. Before he was diagnosed with the damned cancer. However, since they'd left the hospital, Dean's hair had been growing back thick and fast; it was almost at the length where Castiel could run his hands through it. He couldn't wait for the chance.

Castiel instantly took to the canvas, drawing lines in pencil before he started. He found his ability to draw hadn't left him since he'd been at school. Art always had been his favourite lesson. You could just let the freedom of drawing and painting take you anywhere you wanted. It was something he had always revelled at as a child/teenager.  
Hours later when Dean came home, the painting stood on an easel in the living room, finished. Dean stared in awe. It was perfect, down to the colour and the shading of the photograph. He obviously recognised the picture instantly. He looked around for Castiel but couldn't find him. Until he heard banging about in the kitchen.  
Castiel stood at a unit, rubbing his hands in something.

"Cas?" Castiel spun around, his hands going behind his back. "Cas, what are you doing?"

Castiel grinned sheepishly. "You saw the painting, huh?" 

"Yeah I did. Cas it's... amazing," Dean said. "How did you... You never told me you liked to do artsy things."

Castiel shrugged. "It was definitely a love of mine as a child. The freedom to express yourself is liberating when you have no-one to express yourself with."

Dean nodded at Castiel. "Yeah, right. Okay."

Castiel smirked at Dean and Dean looked worried. "Cas?" He walked over to Dean and grinned.

"I missed you Dean," he whispered, his hot breath fanning over Dean's face. He lifted his hands up and before Dean could notice, placed his hands at the top of his biceps. Dean could feel the slippery substance on Castiel's hands and his eyes widened as he saw red handprints - Cas's handprints - marking his arms.

"Cas what the hell?!"

Castiel removed the gloves he was wearing. "I don't know. It was just an idea. I wanted to mark you. Let those girls that fawn over you when you're at work know that you're mine." Castiel's eyes flickered dark with jealousy. The amount of women that flocked to Singers Garage after Dean started working there was ridiculous. They made up problems with their cars just so they could get a good look at Dean's ass as he leant over to have a look inside their car. The idea of marking Dean's arms with waterproof paint came to hime when he had been painting Dean's face. His blood just boiled at the thought of those girls all over him.  
"Cas, you know that I'm yours," Dean said, a small smile on his face at knowing Castiel was jealous of those girls. "I'm not interested in anyone but you. Okay?"

Castiel looked dubious, but nodded slowly. "Yeah, okay."

"Now help me get this paint off, would ya?"

Castiel averted his eyes, a faint pink painting his cheeks. "Erm, well, you see, that would be difficult."

"Why, Cas?"

"Because it's not soluble in water..?" Dean gave Castiel a flat look.

"Come again?"

"It won't come off in water. It's waterproof."

"I see. Cas..."

"Yes, Dean?"

"You're an idiot."

"I know, Dean."

Dean looked at Cas and broke into a laugh. "You know, I don't even care to be honest." He wrapped Castiel in a hug and pressed his lips to Castiel's, forcefully. "God, I love you, you big idiot."

The two men froze, eyes wide. Castiel looked up slightly at Dean, taken aback.

"What?"

"I- Erm, I-"

"You love me," Castiel whispered. He stared at Dean's chest in silence. "You love me."

"Cas... You're not freaking out, right?" Castiel looked at Dean's face again and saw Dean looked like he was close to freaking out, let alone himself.

"You've never said that before," Castiel commented.

Dean snorted, despite his underlying need to start panicking. "Yeah Cas, I'm aware."

Castiel stared at Dean. He knew Dean was trying to push him away. Try and make some kind of ridge between them cause he said the L-word. But Castiel just pressed himself closer and hugged Dean tightly.

"I love you, too, Dean."

He could feel Dean relax after he'd spoken the words and Dean wrapped his arms around Cas. "Good." Castiel smiled to himself. Dean loved him. Dean loved him. Dean loved him.

"Now let's order some pizza, I'm starving." Dean picked up the phone, an arm still wrapped around Cas, as he ordered the pizza.

As Castiel stared up at Dean, all he knew was that he felt so lucky to have someone as good as Dean. He might not deserve Dean, but he really was happy. Dean made him happy. Dean was his everything. There wasn't anywhere else he'd rather be right at that moment.


End file.
